Be Kind, Expand Your Mind: Beyond Binary Thinking

In a departure from my usual poetic openings, I’m going to start this piece with a bold claim – I believe that humans are capable of (and philosophically responsible for) expanding our minds, of moving beyond binary thinking, so that we can become better versions of ourselves.

I believe that humans prefer basic binary thinking because it’s lower effort than deeper forms of thought, and I also believe that we possess the capacity to see beyond binary thinking with practice. If we practice seeing beyond the black & white, we can learn to expand our viewpoints and change the ways we show up in the world. 

Statistical Learning and Binary Thinking

To make this a conversation rather than just me throwing opinions around, let’s talk about statistical learning¹. From a very young age, we learn about our world through statistical learning – using pattern recognition and categorization to understand our experiences, then creating rules for how to handle those experiences in the future. This process helps explain why hearing people talk helps us learn our native language, or how we innately know that “apple” usually refers to red round-ish fruit. In other words, statistical learning supports the idea that we are wired with unconscious “A causes B” type of thinking.

Statistical learning is a key ingredient in binary thinking², a line of reasoning that tells us to ignore the shady grey of a concept and instead focus on just the black and white. A common example of binary thinking is the (deeply flawed) idea of the gender binary³ – that all people are either male or female in gender, and that these two concepts are “opposites”. Binary thinking is simple, and it gives us a (false sense of) security by making us feel like we know what to expect. And because we want to feel secure, binary thinking is easy to fall into: Our brain sees A, assumes B will happen, and responds accordingly – no effort, energy, or reflection necessary. 

By comparison, it takes conscious effort to use deeper thought, such as the kind we need to reflect on our actions. This type of deeper thinking requires us to stop when we see A and go “B might happen here, or it might not. Let’s explore that might not part”. This makes us actively question the world, allowing us to modify our beliefs – but also reducing our feelings of stability.

Binary thinking can serve an important role, but it can also keep us locked in harmful cycles of limiting belief. Let’s look at two examples.

Examples of Limiting Beliefs

Self-doubt: I didn’t learn to jump rope until I was nearly 26 – because up until then, I genuinely believed I was incapable. The origin of this binary belief (other people can jump rope because they’re capable, but I am not capable) shows up at age 8, on a sunny spring day at my elementary school. We were participating in a fundraiser for the Heart & Stroke Foundation, the whole school packed into the gym and spilled out onto the playground, playing various jump rope-based games. I was not a coordinated, nor an athletic, child; I was more of a bookwormish, awkward, too-long-limbed kid. Multiple times that day, I attempted to jump rope, only to get tangled up and (to my shy child-self) humiliated in front of the entire school. I decided then and there that I just wasn’t good at jump rope, and it’d be better if I never tried.
 

Prejudice: There’s a common stereotype that “small-town people” are small-minded (think racism, homophobia, transphobia, and so on). While this is not always the case, a black & white thinking lens can be applied to understand the cases where it does happen.

Growing up in an insulated homogenous environment – all-caucasian, all-Christian, all-straight, all-cisgender  – Bobby is exposed to many people who think that caucasian, Christian, straight, cisgender is the default. They either dislike or ignore people who are not like them, so Bobby feels no pressure to change those beliefs. With no push to embark on a soul-searching adventure of his own, he continues unconsciously enacting racist, homophobic, transphobic patterns. 

Moving Beyond Binary Thinking is Hard (and That’s Okay!)

It’s safe to say that grasping less-binary concepts – things that defy black & white thinking – takes effort and intent. It requires us to be able to overcome the natural tendency to fall back on our “A = B” default programming.

Here’s the problem: Even though it takes more effort and can be uncomfortable, we need to see beyond binary thinking to grow and expand the way we see the world. More nuanced thinking allows us to make deeper connections with other people, to better understand ourselves, and change the ways we show up in the world. When we can notice that we’ve slipped into that default black & white categorization, we have a chance to change it. 

Consider the examples from earlier:

I learned to jump rope at age 26 because I was taking martial arts and jump rope was my instructor’s go-to warmup. Actively questioning my inner 8-year-old’s logic, I decided that even though I was not coordinated or capable, I could change that as long as I was willing to screw up in front of people. I learned how to skip, and I learned that I wasn’t as incapable as I’d feared.

If Bobby gets a job in the city and starts spending time with people who aren’t “just like him,” he begins having experiences that resist the limited beliefs of his upbringing, expanding his common humanity. Perhaps he starts correcting his uncle who has a propensity for using slurs, he reads up on antiracist thinking, and he commits in other ways to actively unlearning his prejudices.

These are just two examples of how putting effort into deconstructing our thoughts can help change our worlds in small but important ways – I’m sure you can think of more that may have come up in your own lives.

Practical Steps to Expand Your Mind & Move Past the Binary

So we know that we need to use more expansive thinking to grow – but getting started can still feel daunting. Here are three simple ways to begin expanding the mind:

1. Start with acknowledging that it takes effort to change the norm: Often, we trip ourselves up from the jump by assuming we should immediately be good at something, which is a fast track to abandoning our efforts and landing back at square one unchanged (hello, 8-year-old self). Giving ourselves permission to make mistakes and be corrected can actually help us learn better⁴, not to mention it is generally a kinder way of engaging with our minds.
   
2. Collect data on the things that make you turn the other way: Becoming aware of the triggers that encourage us to fall into binary thinking is one of the first steps to changing how we respond. Do you get uncomfortable when you think about failure? Not sure how to handle talking to someone whose opinion differs from your own? Commit to just observing that behaviour without judgment.
   
   For example, if you’re the go-to fixer in your circle, you may immediately feel responsible for solving a friend’s problem without even considering whether you can or want to be fixing said problem. As psychotherapist Terri Cole⁵ says, this default behavioural sequence can make us burnt out and resentful. To push back against this norm, she suggests keeping a journal for 48 hours where we note down any time we go to – or even think of going to – that default mode. This helps train the brain to notice, so we get better at catching when we’re in a loop.
   
3. Seek out different perspectives, and consume them with an open mind: We’re surrounded by content representing all walks of life across so many media channels. If you’ve been working on noticing a behaviour or view that keeps you stuck, great – look for things that challenge that perspective. If you spend even a fraction of your screentime with this stuff, your attitudes will inevitably change over time. 
   
   Find whatever works: a self-help book about overcoming perfectionism, a YouTube channel hosted by a queer Asian person, a blog written on a topic that makes you cringe, etc. Taking the time to consume things that differ from what we’ve experienced gives us great practice with approaching discomfort, just like those sticky parts of the mind we’d rather avoid. 

Understanding our default ways of moving through the world provides a sliver of visibility into what life can be like if we leave those tired habits behind. Migrating away from binary thinking helps both ourselves (in the case of limiting self-beliefs) and others (in the case of prejudiced thinking), and is absolutely required for change. So challenge yourself to commit to growth, to notice the things that enact basic programming, and to root out and replace those perspectives with wider-ranging ones – that’s how we make the world a better place. 

---

PS – While technically not directly related to the topic of this essay, if you too consider yourself a learning nerd I highly recommend checking out Lisa Feldman Barret’s book, “How Emotions are Made”.

Footnotes

¹ Aslin, R.N., and Newport, E.L. 2012. “Statistical learning from acquiring specific items to forming general rules.” Current Directions in Psychological Science 21 (3): 170-176. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3758750/

² Elbow, P. (1993). The Uses of Binary Thinking. Journal of Advanced Composition, 13(1), 51–78. http://www.jstor.org/stable/20865892

³ Shelton, J., & Dodd, S. J. (2021). Binary Thinking and the Limiting of Human Potential. In Public Integrity (Vol. 23, Issue 6, pp. 624–635). Informa UK Limited. https://doi.org/10.1080/10999922.2021.1988405

⁴ Metcalfe, J. 2017. Learning from Errors. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 465-489. https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044022

⁵ Side tangent – Terri Cole’s book “Boundary Boss” has forever changed the way I look at boundaries. Check it out if you are a chronic over-giver, you’ll thank me!